Best sandwich to ever hit your unsuspecting taste buds.

So I just made this sandwich. It is freaking awesome. How can you achieve sandwich success? Well, I'll tell you.

Freaking Awesome Sandwich

Two pieces of whole wheat bread (I used Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat).

One avocado, smashed and lightly salted (lumpy is okay).

Deli sliced turkey (I used Hillshire Farms Oven Roasted Turkey Breast) or your choice of meat.

Two slices of provolone cheese (I used Sargento Natural Provolone).

Baby spinach leaves (I used Organic Girl Baby Spinach).

Alfalfa sprouts.

Sliced tomato.

Spread the avocado on the two slices of bread - it replaces mayo. Add the sliced turkey in whatever fashion and quantity you desire. Layer on the provolone cheese. Add the sliced tomato. Top with a generous amount of baby spinach. On the other piece of bread, add the alfalfa sprouts, gently pressing them into the avocado so they don't go everywhere. Very carefully place that piece of bread on top of the mountain of goodness. Vola. Sandwich. Enjoy with iced tea and lots of napkins. 

I enjoy this sandwich because all of the ingredients themselves are subtle enough in taste, but when combined, they create a medley of blissful awesomeness. And it's healthy, so props to that! 

By the way, you may be wondering why I am eating turkey and cheese while I am supposed to be fasting. Usually it takes me a few days to get over a cold, but I am STILL sick. I am on the tail end of it, but still. I was not getting the nutrients (excessive protein) my body needed, and it was no good. We are planning to try another fast that is not so extreme. My body couldn't handle the multiple stressers of being sick and a drastic change in diet, and Austin, as an architecture student, has to pull all-nighters on a regular basis, and he needs the extra nutrients too. Maybe this diet will work better in the summer when delicious farmers markets are on every street corner. 

Practice what you preach

Here I talked about loving God and trusting Him to take care of the rest. While that post was relevant to my life in a sort of "this could happen to you and it probably will" way, I realized I am smack in the middle of a "real life happening now" situation. I am in the process of sorting out an issue with two people who I love and respect very much.We don't have frequent conflicts, so when we do, it's really very stressful. I won't burden you with the details because, honestly, you don't need to know.

Anyway, I was just thinking about how distressing this situation was, and boom, I feel like God said, "Why aren't you trusting me with this?" And why wasn't I? Because, frankly, it's feels so much better to worry, worry, worry. Am I right? I said, "Am I right?" (Sorry. Charlie Brown moment.) So now all that's left is giving this issue to my Daddy in Heaven, because, really, what do I have to lose? Oh, wait, that's right. Nothing.

What is really important here?

I was downstairs tonight, drinking coffee with soy milk (That part of my fast is going well, and I just got back from the grocery store with a haul of delicious *hopefully* food. Does anyone have some good tofu recipes? Because I got a block of tofu without actually having a concrete plan for its demise.) and listening to my dad and brother talk about stocks and the economy and money and stressful-doom-and-gloom things. I wasn't really listening because I was telling my brother's friend the story of my crazy roommates from last year and how they got really, REALLY drunk and trashed our apartment while I was gone one night. (Now I am really shy of roommates, hence the living at home for now. That's another ramble for another time.) Then my dad said something that got my attention: "In twenty years, the dollar will be obsolete."

Twenty years? Twenty years ago was 1991. Jelly shoes. Pink jeans. White athletic socks that go up to your knees. Wearing all of the above together. "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. was the top pop song of the year. Twenty years seems like a long time, considering that's how long I have been alive. Well, almost twenty-one years. I was a '90 child. But looking into the future, twenty years doesn't seem very long, especially considering how much change will have to happen if the dollar is to indeed become obsolete in that amount of time. I am no economist - I'm an English major, for goodness' sake - but I know enough to understand that it is very possible that the dollar may not live to see 2021.

A lot could change by then. Hopefully, I will have graduated college, gotten a doctorate of some sort and be teaching Literature at some university, driving a BMW and living in a pretty cool house with my handsome husband, perfect children, and *insert big, gorgeous, well-behaved dog here*. I would be an awesome cook (No repeat of last Valentine's Day when I didn't cook the whole chicken long enough. It's a miracle that Austin and I didn't die of salmonella.), and I would wear pearls in the kitchen like Julia Child.

That all sounds pretty great, right? I mean, I think it does. But what about non-material things? Matthew 6:19-21 says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and thieves break in and steal. Instead, store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I love how the Message version puts it: "Don't hoard treasure down where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! - stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars! It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is the place you will most want to be, and end up being."

After my dad mentioned the dollar becoming obsolete, my first reaction was to worry about what was going to happen to me and my plans for the future. Then I realized that even if the dollar was going to stick around for a thousand-billion-gazillion more years, my well-laid plans could, and probably would, be changed, no matter how much effort I put into them. But I know one thing that will not ever change, and that is God's love and provision for those who love Him. Why worry about what is going to happen in twenty years? God has it all under control, and He isn't worried. Why should I be? He doesn't need me to worry for Him.

Several months ago, I was dealing with an issue that I couldn't shake, no matter how hard I tried, and I was getting really discouraged in my failure. The thought came to me: Love God, and everything else will follow in due course. Saint Augustine said "Love God, and do as you please." I won't have anything to worry about if I keep my focus on God. He will take care of my every, single need (does a BMW count as a need?), and all he asks in return is that I love Him. Sounds pretty simple when you get down to it, doesn't it? I'm not kidding anybody, least of all myself. It will be hard, but so very rewarding.

I love God a whole lot, but sometimes it's easy to forget that He is up there, watching, while I live life in my comfortable, middle-class way. Wealth can breed a false sense of security, and all we need is one windfall of disaster (Job, anyone?) and we are screaming at God about why this happened and we never did anything to deserve this. But it's that sense of security that turned into the thinking that we are okay and we don't need anyone or anything to help us out. So God comes along and taps us on the shoulder - sometimes a gentle tap, sometimes an earth-shaking tap - to get our attention off of ourselves and back onto Him. I won't even kid myself that I can make it through life without that happening (I'm human, like you and everyone else on this planet), but I hope that this fast will get me a little more in tune with God and His plans. Maybe then He won't have to tap so hard when He is sending a change-of-your-plans memo.

Realistic and Not Far-Fetched

Who else likes snow? I love it. But only when it's in the air. When I am at work, I can see a parking lot light (one of those on the big poles.. I know they have a real name) from the window and last night the snow was so pretty as it floated down past the light pole. Light pole... Is that it's real name? Someone should come up with a cooler name. Anyway, snow on the ground melts and then freezes and wreaks havoc on Tulsans, who, unfortunately, have no idea how to drive in such weather.

Oh, also I got sick yesterday. So now I am sitting a home, having skipped my first day of classes due to the fact that Niagara Falls decided to relocate to my nose and the Arnold Schwarzenegger we all know and love from The Terminator is flexing his copious muscles in my sinuses. So... I am curled in a big comfy chair, eating chips and homemade guacamole (I can't type a sentence without going back for more - it's that good), and looking out at the rapidly diminishing snow. Today has given me time to think about what needs to be done in my life. There are the typical, over-used and under-achieved ideas of losing weight, fitting back into my high school jeans, de-cluttering my life, become blogger of the year... Need I say more? Unfortunately, all of these things are MUCH easier said than done, so I came up with a list of realistic and not far-fetched things I can do with relative ease:

1. At the beginning of December, I ordered a Star Wars Rebel Alliance logo window sticker on Amazon. It is still sitting on my dresser. So number one: put the freaking sticker on my rear window.

2. Finish this guacamole. Mmmmm nomnomnom.

3. De-clutter my room. This is kind of a big task, but smaller than de-cluttering my life.

4. Find an apartment in Stillwater. My plan is to transfer to the Starbucks out there (with my shining recommendations and stellar barista skills) sometime during the summer, depending on when that store would need me the most. Having a place to live would be good too, so I am on the hunt. If anyone knows of a two bedroom house or apartment relatively close to campus up for grabs, let me know? I have a friend who recently got A LOT more incentive to go to OSU with me *a boy!* so the loft apartment dream has turned into a two-bedroom house/apartment dream. Preferable: wood floors, intact roof, any place to set my French press. I'm not picky. Too picky, that is.

5. Accumulate things to put in the afore-mentioned apartment.

I recently finished watching first and, tragically, only season of Firefly and the sequel Serenity with Austin, and I have developed a Nathan Fillion crush. Oh yes. It doesn't help that I am already slightly obsessed with Castle, too. Speaking of which... New Castle episode in my Hulu Queue. See ya.

The Return

So I'm back. I honestly don't believe that anyone actually missed me during my silence, but whatever. I hope that I can make blogging a habit. I don't think I will ever have many readers - why would I? But I feel that writing every day, or every few days, will help me cultivate my writing hobby.

Over the last few weeks I have realized something. I realized that people are human. And human means that they aren't perfect. I have idolized people in my life: my boyfriend, my parents, coworkers, even this blogger couple I have been reading lately. I think that these idolized people can do no wrong ever. And then they do, and I am disappointed. It's a natural reaction, I suppose. But why do I feel so hurt and disappointed when this happens? Why do I idolize these people in the first place? I finally figured it out.

I have this void in my life and I am trying to fill it with people.

Can anyone else see the problem with this? I keep depending on these human people to be a constant source of something in my life, but how can they be? They can't. It's not humanly possible.

So how do I fill this void? Knowing with what to fill it is easy. I need to fill it with God and His word. Actually filling it will be hard. I have a tendency to get into a good routine, and then something happens to throw it off and I never get back into the groove of it. Last year, when I lived in Claremore, I had a fantastic routine of working out, eating yogurt and blueberries and reading my Bible while I waited for my adrenaline to calm down, and then I would go to bed. That went very well for a few months, until I gave blood and couldn't follow my workout routine that night. So the next night I found an excuse to forgo my ritual. And the next night I found another excuse. That was the end of my wonderful workout/Bible-reading routine.

For the new year, Austin and I agreed to begin a Daniel fast, a fast in which we eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, and cut out processed foods, sugars, all forms of meats, and most fats. The purpose of this fast, for me, is to, cliche as it sounds, get closer to God. I have strayed away so much over the last year, and I had no idea. I still called myself a conservative Christian, but in listening to my brother talk about political and theological matters, I came to the rattling conclusion that I have become more diluted in my faith than I had thought. I know I am wrong in some of my thoughts and beliefs now, but how to fix them is my issue. I am not even sure where I am wrong on some points; I am only sure that I am. So. My purpose for fasting is to discover what I believe and why. I do not want to hold an opinion because my parents hold it. In fact, I think that one reason I fell away is because I did not want to hold the same opinion as my parents. Some of the conservative talk that my mom spouts on a regular basis makes me uncomfortable, but I think that is because I don't have the same passion that she does. I'm not really passionate about anything, except abortion and coffee. I need to acquire some passion about my faith.

So my goals for the fast: Figure out what I believe and why, and become passionate about it.

It is my fear that I will fail in the fast, and it is my prayer that I will succeed, both in the eating and the purpose behind the eating.

Just. Relax.

This last week feels like it has gone on forever. Yesterday, Thursday, some super super storms hit town early in the morning, sporting crazy wind and a tornado. So as you can imagine, getting to work at 6 a.m. and then dealing with tired, cranky, and downright rude-for-absolutely-no-reason-because-I-am-turning-myself-inside-out-to-please-you customers until 2.pm when I got off was an ORRRRDEAL. I feel that today was just as hectic and I am just now sitting down to actually enjoy myself while I wait for Austin to get home. We are planning to make burgers and watch Avatar. What better way to enjoy a rainy Friday night?

That may be another thing that has been stressful about this week. The rain. The Never. Ending. Rain.

Rereading the first paragraph, I got stuck on a rant about rude customers. It goes something like this:

Dear World,

I am only a barista at one of the many Starbucks in the world, but I would like to take a moment of your time. Someone up in cooperate decided that it would be a great idea to start offering drive-thru service, and that has helped our business immensely. However, it not only helps us. It helps you too. We no longer require you to park your car, get out into whatever weather there may be - heat, cold, snow, rain, ect., walk in the door, stand in line (if there is one), order, stand to the side and wait for your beverage(s), walk back out the door into whatever weather you encountered on the way in, fumble with your keys to unlock the door (unless you have a keyless remote), get back in your car, turn on the ignition, back up - being careful, of course, to not hit anyone else, and go on your way. No, with the convenient drive-thru, you now only have to pull into line, order, pick up your drink at the window, and drive away, all without leaving the comfort of your vehicle! While we don't ask for much gratitude, we certainly deserve it. We are giving you the option of foregoing all the hassle of actually coming inside to get your froofy Double Tall Skinny Vanilla Soy Latte with three Splendas. (Oh you wanted that iced? I'm sorry, you should have actually mentioned that before we handed you the finished hot drink.) So a smile and a "Thank you!" would be so appreciated. Instead of rudely taking your beverage and zooming away, hitting the curb on your way out like so many people do at my store, return the sincere "Thanks! Have a great day!" with a smile, because you didn't even have to worry about the automatic task of taking your keys out the ignition. Don't be rude and yell at us, telling us we should learn how to listen when you are the one mumbling about your Iced Venti Quad Decaf Nonfat No Whip Two Pump White Mocha without bothering to turn down your blaring radio or speak up when we apologize and politely ask you to do so because we could not hear you though our fuzzy headsets. We are the ones providing your the luxury of this service. Please be mindful of others than just yourself.

Thank you for your time,

Your friendly (and sometimes frustrated) neighborhood barista.

Starting Fresh. Maybe.

Well it's my first full week of summer. It feels like a lot longer, but after checking my calendar... Nope. I really did finish my last final and move out of RSU on Thursday. I have moved my copious amount of crap back to my room, but I haven't moved IN. Most of my kitchen stuff is still sitting in paper bags on the living room floor and my bedroom looks like a train wreck. There are boxes piled up by the wall and I have rummaged through some of them for clothes so it's a wretched mess. I had planned today to unpack and organize and clean... But after getting up at 12:30, eating lunch/breakfast (you can't really call a sandwich, chips, and iced tea "brunch"), and watching the newest episode of Castle, here I am. Blogging. For the first time in over a year. I used to have a Xanga, which I updated religiously, but that was many years ago, and I am out of practice.

I have big plans for this summer. I hope. I want to join a gym and take a yoga class. I want to take some summer classes. I want to work a lot and actually start saving money - NOT my strong suit. I want to spend more time outside. I want to revamp my wardrobe - I still have clothes from my freshman year of high school, and now I am *almost* a sophomore in college, so SOMETHING needs to change. I want to start reading my Bible again and having a quiet time with God every day. I want to spend more time with my grandparents. My grandma was recently diagnosed with liver cirrhosis, which is random because the only time I can honestly say she has consumed alcohol was on her 80th birthday when we all had a glass of champagne. So now she can only have 200 mg of sodium every day, and probably has about six months to live. My granddad is 90% blind, but in considerably better condition than my grandma. I want to eat healthier - potato chips and pop aren't exactly doing my body favors.

So to sum up... I want to start this summer fresh. The end.