The Stresses of Life... The Beauty of Life...

I feel like I have been wining a lot lately about how much I have going on, and I apologize. I'm sure you don't really care about that haha. Hopefully after Tuesday (tomorrow), things will slow down and life will be normal again.

However, it's time to focus on the positive things in life. God has given us such a wonderful opportunity here - living on this planet that He created, eating the fruit of the earth, and being able to know Him. Why, then, do I focus so much on the crap of life? Deadlines, homework, work meetings, stressful situations in which homework partners don't hold up their end of the bargain.

Yesterday in church, a man spoke about God showing him to enjoy the everyday details: his daughter's laughter and the light in their eyes, the smell of coming rain, bringing home a paycheck and putting food on the table. He spoke about Christ's death for us, and how His sacrifice is present in those wonderful, everyday details. We take communion to commemorate His suffering once a month for 10 minutes on a Sunday before moving on to announcements and lunch, but we should acknowledge and appreciate His Table every moment of every day. He encouraged us to take notice of the everyday details, and to "drink deep" from the cup of communion as we notice them.

Today, I am sitting at Shades of Brown, a local coffee shop on Brookside. It's dreary and cold outside. My shoulders are sore. Where are those little details for me today?

They are in my cup of hot coffee.
They are in the jazz playing on the speakers.
They are in the smell of rich espresso coming my way from the machine across the bar.
They are in the little girl tottling around with her mother, pink ruffled jumper, bright blue tights, short, tousled blonde hair, chubby face, bubbly giggle, endless curiosity.
They are in the beautiful, fluffy Alaskan Malamute outside, waiting while his owner enjoys a cup o' joe.
They are in the barista who always seems to have words of wisdom about how his day is going.
Oh, and they are in the sun peeping through the clouds to make the day warm.

Those are the little details that remind me of Christ and His love, and that make me happy to be alive.

What are the little details for you?

Politics. What the heck?

Yesterday, my mother bombarded me with some stressful information.

Note: You must understand that she religiously listens to Rush Limbaugh. She knows I hate listening to him - who wouldn't? He bellows and shouts all the time - so she doesn't listen to his show while I am home. She listens to him in the car and comes home and tells me what he says, which isn't much better.

Anyway, she came home yesterday and rattled off something about President Obama doing something to marriage and it's awful and the world is collapsing in on itself. I walked away with "President Obama is doing away with the institution of marriage, so no one can even get married anymore. Marriage is abolished." What?! So then I get really upset because I, like a lot of people, am looking forward to my wedding day. My emotional roller coaster went through several phases at that point: I hate politics. I am sick of this damn president doing whatever the heck he wants and thinking he can get away with it, and I am sick of hearing about it. I feel helpless to do anything about it. All that comes from paying attention to politics is me feeling helpless and getting angry because I feel helpless. Then I swear off politics all together. But that's no good either. If I just ignore them, I am still haunted by the fear that one day I will wake up and everything will be different.

I found out later that marriage was still legal, and that Obama just told the Attorney General to not uphold the Defense of Marriage act (marriage is between a man and a woman), which was put into practice during the Clinton Administration, in some court case. My response: "Okay, so he isn't doing away with the institution of marriage itself." Mom: "Well it sure sounds like it." At that point, I walked away because I was getting stressed out again.

So where do I stand? I hate politics. I really do. They stress me out, make me angry, and then my day is ruined. But ignoring them isn't ideal either.

As a Christian... Where do I stand on gay marriage? I have gay friends. They are still people, and they should have rights too. But what about what I believe about marriage? The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. So there are these people who are leading lives of sin and wanting to marry the same gender. What do I do with them? I believe that we should love everyone because Christ loved everyone, but how do you love someone and disagree with what they are doing at the same time and be tactful about it?

As a Christian... Where do I stand on Obama's inclination towards Socialism? The Bible says "If a man does not work, neither shall he eat." It seems pretty simple to me. If you work and you get paid accordingly, that is your money. It belongs to you. If you don't work, then you don't get money. That is your problem. Not mine, not the government's.

Where is the line between religion and politics? Is there a line at all? Should I completely separate the two? Should I mix them beyond recognition?

As an English Literature major, in a field full of hippies and liberals, where do I stand?

Do I become a political activist and go crazy Republican? Do I retreat from the political arena and lie low while keeping my priorities straight?

As a young Christian in this day and age, what do I do?!


Maybe the first step is to find a better source on political happens other than my mom and Rush.

No time... No time... NO TIME!!!

Lately I have had the feeling that life has plotted with my adversaries to make things difficult for me. With the snow and all things as such, I missed almost two weeks of school. Normally, that isn't a big deal. However, when one has classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and one of those classes is an eight-week class, missing a week and some change is pretty rough. In order to catch up with the syllabus, my Spanish teacher instigated a battery of tests for the following four class periods: take a test and learn the next chapter, come back, take a test and learn the next chapter, etc. Thank God and His mercy that that is over.

I still feel like I'm playing catch-up with life, though. I can't get up early enough to get everything done that needs to be done. Work, school, sleep, the gym, eating half-way decently, laundry: keeping my life in a general state of orderliness has become a huge challenge. I go to bed exhausted and end up sleeping later than planned, and then I am running two steps behind the rest of the world. Like today: I wanted to get up, go to the gym, go to Shades of Brown  (favorite coffee shop ever) to do some homework, and go to work. Instead, I slept late, managed to get to work on time, and NOW I'm at Shades, exhausted and barely functioning.

At this point, I feel like I need to just survive for the coming weeks until spring break, but I don't want to just survive. I want to do well. I got into OSU with good grades, and I don't want to slack off just because I'm in. I just can't motivate myself to push for that goal.

I am in a state of subdued panic (because I don't have the energy for full blown panic) and foreboding, like there is a storm coming and I know that it is coming and it will be awful and there is absolutely nothing I can do except dread it.

Oh. Did I mention that the storm is expected to arrive tomorrow? Bright and early tomorrow with a 5-8 minute speech that I haven't really started yet. It is an expansion of a 3-5 minute speech we already did, but I need to come up with more examples and details. Then there is the literature class for which I haven't read the assignment or started the essay, for which the due date WAS the 20th, but my teacher is rescheduling it, so the date is TBA. Every good reason to procrastinate, right? Then there is my three hour Spanish class, for which I have not done the online homework for the last several assignments because the due date is also open-ended. However, this is the class that is eight weeks, and those eight weeks are nearing an end, so I am feeling more and more inclined, but still not motivated, to do those assignments.

Dear God, help me, please. Give me the strength, motivation, determination, and inclination to do all that I need to. Through You, I can do all things.

Life.

Yesterday, I went to a funeral. I didn't go for the deceased. I had probably spoken five words to him in the entire time I knew of his existence. I went for his wife, a teacher of mine from junior high and high school. I hadn't been to a funeral since my granddad went to be with The Lord in 2003, so this was a relatively foreign experience to me.

Being older (and wiser?) now, I was much more aware of the gravity of the situation. Sitting in the congregation, I saw the casket, draped with an American flag, and it struck me: "There is a dead body in that box. There is a body that used to have blood pumping through it and be full of life. But it's not anymore." There was a picture of the man on the projection screen and I kept looking from the picture to the casket and back, trying to comprehend it. The concept of life and its passing is a strange and interesting one.

The family filed in. I could hear the sniffing and muffled sobbing, and an unexpected wave of emotion crashed over me. The urge to burst into tears stayed with me for the rest of the day, and I had no idea why.

Nothing like a funeral to make you appreciate your own life.

Two things about this funeral gave me pause:

1) One of Austin's friends, upon hearing that I was going to a funeral, brought up an interesting thought: Times like these make you wonder how you have impacted people with your life. Of course this made me think of my own life. How have I impacted people? I would like to believe that I have some effect on people I meet, but on the other hand, what if I have gone through life effectless? I want to impact people with my life.
2) The sermon at the funeral was: What changes would you make to your life if you knew your life would not be around much longer? Whether you have a few days or a few years left, what would you change? There are plenty of things I could change in my life. Plenty of things I need to change.

I need to change how I view people. At my job, it is easy to profile and prejudge people and what kind of drink they will order. It follows that it is easy to respect someone who orders a Frappuccino less than someone who orders a latte. But why do I do that? Honestly, because Frappuccinos are annoying to make and they're really bad for you, so obviously the people ordering them are annoying too. See? I did it again. Instead of prejudging people, I need to see them as God sees them: beautiful creations who need His love. As cracked and messed up as I am, I can be a vessel to carry His love to them.

I think that if I change how I view people, I can change how I impact them.

I have two philosophies about life:
Better communication could solve all the problems in the world.
Love people, because Jesus did.

I think I will add a third:
Love God, and everything else will follow in order.

Think about it. God doesn't let a sparrow fall from the sky without noticing it, so of course He is going to look out for me. I just need to love, listen to, and obey Him.

I miss spring.

It's official. The sun needs to come out and melt this snow. Including the stuff to come tonight. I want spring to come and warm things up and bring out the flowers so I can open my windows and breathe the fresh, delicious air.

As it is, more snow is coming, and I am stuck in my room with coffee and chocolate, listening to some Enya. Also, I'm trying to get a head start on the Spring Cleaning by de-cluttering at 10 pm. Wish me luck.

Day 4

Well it's Day 4 of Snowpocalypse 2011.

I finally got to go to work today. I have been enjoying the days off, but paychecks are good too. The roads here in Tulsa are a DIS-AS-TERRR. My brother Chris and I helped two people get un-stuck this afternoon, and in the process, got stuck ourselves. Fortunately, Luna Lovegood, my loyal Infiniti QX4 with her stellar 4WD was able to get out pretty easily. Needless to say, I have had my workout for the next two weeks.

Now, after some leftover spaghetti and meatballs, made by yours truly because my mom has the flu (I have been pumping the Vitamin C), I am listening to Of Montreal, sipping some coffee, and blogging.

See that cool coffee pot thing? I found that deep in the recesses of our cabinet. According to my mom, it's an antique, and I am allowed to take it with me when I move out. Score? I think so. 

Speaking of scoring. My fabulous cousin Erin sent me a link for a Tulsa Groupon. $10 for $20 of merchandise at Barnes and Nobel.  Check it out. There are only three days left to buy it, so hurry! Hurry! 

Something I noticed today: How much my reactions differ between situations. I am much more likely to pray when I am hoping to avoid something bad, but instead of praying when I do encounter something bad, I curse. Example: Driving my dad and his assistant to work today (again, I am the only one with 4WD in my family so I have been dubbed "Taxi Driver"), we were going down a particularly treacherous hill and in my mind I was frantically repeating: "Dear God please let us get down this hill and up this coming hill okay dear God please let us get down this hill and up this coming hill okay dear God...". But this afternoon when Chris and I got stuck, did I pray? Nope. More like choice expletives were making themselves known. *For the record, I don't curse. Often. Only when I get stuck in the snow. Or when I have to stop quickly. You might say that driving brings out the best and worst in me.* 

So why do I curse in bad situations and pray in potentially bad ones? No idea. I do know that it's going to be a process to weed out the curses and plant prayers in their place. 

But, like Paul says, I can do all things through Christ. 

Snowpocalypse 2011 update 2.

Well. Our kitchen exploded.

Wait. WHAT?!

No really. My family and I were sitting at the table, finishing up a late breakfast of delicious biscuits and sausage gravy concocted by my brother Seth, when we heard a horrible splashing explosion. We had been having some work done on some piping in front of the house, so we run outside to see what the commotion was about. Nothing. Seth runs into the kitchen, followed by my dad, brother, and me. We see water running down the wall under a cabinet. Seth opens the cabinet and water comes rushing off the shelves onto the countertop and off onto the floor.

We pull all the dishes out and rush them to the table in the dining/living room. Seth took out the shelves while Dad and Casey ran to the yard, dug through two feet of snow to get to the water valve-main-thing to turn off the water. I grabbed towels from the whole house to put down on the floor and counter top.

We pulled out all the drawers, drained them, and set them up to dry against the wall in the living room. Seth started drying everything as best he could with a towel, and here we are.

So much for a nice, quiet snowed-in time at home.

THIS JUST IN: The guy who has been taking care of all the plumbing in the back yard was able to brave the two feet of snow with his right-hand guy to fix the pipe. WE HAVE WATER!!

God is so good. Seth's flight back to Kentucky got cancelled an hour before this happened. He was the one who did a lot of the dish-evacuation and clean up. God had us taken care of. He is so good.

Snowpocalypse 2011 update.

Well here we are. Tuesday morning. The Blizzard has arrived.

So here is the wall of snow waiting to get us. 

See that ridge? That's a three-feet-high wall. Gone. 

And it's still coming. I have lived in Oklahoma for my whole life, and I don't think I have ever seen anything like this. Incredible. No work tomorrow? Let's hope so. I don't want to go to work at 6 tomorrow morning.